Akatsuki's Kitten
by Mistress of Red Clouds
Summary: She's just another 17 year old girl visiting Japan durin the Summer. What happens when a strange woman curses her? She wakes up a few hours later in a strange place.. But with a few minor changes to her form.. Neko Warning. Four Oc Warning HidaOc, KisaOc, SasoOc, ZetsuOc M for cussing and implied themes, Romance, Adventure, Drama, Humor AU. Read if you Dare. Mistress Of Red Clouds
1. Where the HELL am I?

Chapter One: Changed

This may sound like your normal, run-of-the-mill Akatsuki Kitten story- maybe you'll see it like one, but I don't like to think so.

You see, the problem with me is this: I had no idea about what the Akatsuki was until about three months ago. I didn't know what 'Akatsukitties' were until three weeks ago, so this concept is still new to me.

I have read quite a few 'Akatsukitty' stories, Including DaniZaraki's infamous Kitties Trilogy, which, may I add, rocked my world.

What makes this one different is the fact that the Akatsuki never changed to kittens and got transported to my world- no. It was, in fact, the opposite.

Yeah... Insert awkward silence here.

Okay, here's how it went down: I was reading the seventh Harry Potter book when my feet start to tingle. I ignored it- they were always kinda weird. Soon, I hear a knock at my front door, and I as I go to check it, my ear are tingling. I thought that it was starting to get strange.

So, I open the door, and this woman in a catwoman costume tells me,"You have thirty minutes." What. The. Hell? I look at her as if she had grown a second head and proclaimed her love for me, as she pounces off, tail swishing in the wind. I resume reading my book after using the restroom. I mean, hey, a girl's gotta pee when a girl's gotta pee. Fifteen minutes later, theres another knock on my door and I realize that I have a doorbell, why are people knocking?

Anyways, I'm walking to my door when My whole body is tingling and goes numb. I reach the door, and as it's swinging open, I black out.

I woke up some time later. It could have been five minutes, it could have been three days, I really don't know.

The first thing I notice is that everything seems so much larger. Had I dropped my glasses? Wait. I didn't even wear glasses.

After a series of stupid thoughts run through my head, I finally realized that my whole body itches- I mean like little mosquitos were biting my all over, and as I reached up to scratch, my hand passed infront of my face- except it wasn't there.

I screamed- but it sounded strange. More garbled and squeakier.

I ignored those strange changes for now and looked around the room I'm in. It's dark, but I could still see. Huh. I had always been blind as a bat in the dark. Another new change to add to my list.

The room seemed to be radiating darkness- like it was painted black, and underground.

I frowned at that, but climbed out of the box I had been in. How did I even get there? The last thing I remembered was the crazy cat woman. I remebered her warning, and it passed through my head as I came to a realization.

Just as I was testing my discovery, the door opened, spilling light into the room, and startling my sensitive eyeballs. The silohette of a man stood there, his hair was spiky and he was extremely tall.

"Whoah! When did we get you? Why are you in my room, pretty? There's another one.. Guess that means this one's number four." His voice was really deep- probably fitting his height perfectly.

I just looked at the man strangely as he picked me up and started scratching the top of my head. But.. This felt really good...

I would pull a 'salad fingers' and say it was orgasmic, but it was almost to that level- I was opening my mouth to tell him that it felt great, when my throat vibrated and he chuckled. "So, what's your name? I'm Kisame."

"My name is Sakana Redd." He looked so startled at me. "What? Do I have something on my fa-" Then I remembered-

I was a cat.

"You just.. You just..?"

"Talked? Strange, In know. Oh, by the way, where the hell am I?"

The guy had flicked the light on and allowed me to see his face- It was blue.

"You're in the Akatsuki Base." He smiled, showing off white teeth.

"The akh-what? Base? No way. I was just in my living room."

"This is my bedroom." He deadpanned.

"Well.. I mean... Well, I gues you can tell me what you meant by 'another one.' Becuase I honestly don't know."

He explained to me that there had been three other kittens that had mysteriously shown up in his room. None of them could talk- or hadn't tried, but they seemed to like him very uch.

"It's because you look like a fish, that's why. Cats like fish." I smiled, showing him my very own set of teeth.

"What about you? Plus, it's weird when a cat smiles, so don't do it again."

"I'm allergic to seafood."

He looked amused at that, then had a look of realization on his face. "I have to take you to Leader-sama."

I sighed, then allowed him to pick me up. "So, Sakana... Where did you live before?"

"Tokyo, Japan. I was from America, but I went there for a visit."

"I have no clue where those places are."

"Hmm. Oh well."

Soon, we had arrived infront of two large metal doors. He rang a bell and I heard a pair of feet moving from across the room. After a few seocnds, the door was cracked open by a woman with blue hair.

"Kisame? Oh.. Another one." she smiled, reaching to pet me. I tensed, but allowed her to touch me. I really liked her..  
She had taken me from Kisame's arms and started petting me. I started purring and rubbing my face against her. She led me to a large desk, where a man with reddish-orange hair was sitting. "Another? Hmm."

"Leader-sama."

"Yes, Kisame?"

"This one is.. different." His voice wavered.

"Go on.."

"S-Sakana?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes. Hello. I am Sakana Redd. Pleased to meet you." I glanced up from purring and rubbing my face on the woman.

Startled, she dropped me.

I hit the floor on all fours, as cats normally do, then looked up at her. "Hey! I know i'm a cat now, and all, but seriously... I'm still getting used to this!" She looked at me strangely. "Fine.. Kisame, would you care to pick me up?" He sighed and picked me up, patting my head slightly.

"It can.. It can talk?" The woman cried, recovering from her momentary shock. "It talks."

"I'm a sheee.. Helllo?" I tried using sarcasm, but it didn't really work out that well. "Anyways, I might as well tell you how I got here, seeing as you are probably about to ask me that." I glanced at the man. "I'm from America, and was in Tokyo, Japan for a few months. I was reading a book at my hotel room, and a woman knocks on the door and tells me I have thirthy minutes. I really had no clue what she meant, but I shook it off and went back to my book. Thirty minutes later, I was feeling funny and everything went black. I woke up in his room, I guess." I miotioned to Kisame with a paw.

"Hmm. How to be sure you're not lying... Hmm.. Konan, get Sasori." The woman nodded and poofed away, returning a few moments later with a man with red hair.

"Sakana, Sasori, Sasori, Sakana. Now that we're all aqainted, theres one thing you should know, Sasori."

"Oh?" He was considerably short. I didn't neccesarily like him, or hate him, yet.

"First things first, I'm a cat. Second is I wasn't always a cat. Third is obviously, I can talk." I spoke, drawing his attention to me.

"Hmm. Strange." He patted my head, then turned to the orange man. "I suppose you want me to learn her story and tell you whether she's lying or not?"

"Indeed. You may introduce her to the others, but make sure Tobi doesn't see her or learn her secret. If she is telling the truth, have her speak to the other kittens, see how they ended up here. Then try to return her to normal."

Five days later, I had met all of the member of the organization known as 'Akatsuki.'

There were five groups of two. Kisame's partner was Itachi Uchiha. Uchiha was a stoic man, who, whenever stressed or in pain, stroked my fur and talked to me quietly. I really liked this one. Not as a 'love' thing, but as a great frind or like a brother. Kisame was really nice to me. Besides Itachi, he was tho closest to me. Pein, the red-orange guy, aka: Leader-sama, was partners with Konan. Konan had realized that she was in fact, not dreaming, and proceeded to talk 'girl stuff' with me whenever she got the chance. The short red head, Sasori, was partners with a loud blonde named 'Deidara.' He has really nice hair and pretty blue eyes. He didn't seen to hate me, so I assumed he was okay. Next, I met Zetsu and Tobi. I have to say, Out of all, I loved Zetsu the most, appearance-wise. Tobi literally scared the crap out of me, so I avoided him at all costs. Hidan and Kakuzu were the last I met, for they were on a mission for a while and returned three days after my arrival to 'the base.'

Kakuzu seemed fond of me, and sometimes stroked my fur as he counted money, others he would pat me once, then give me a treat. Hidan liked me too, and would let me curl up next to him and sleep.

I liked the akatsuki, honestly. But, soon, I met the other kittens. There were three. A white one, named 'Suki' as I was told, a gray one called 'Zena' and the third was a black and white called 'Kira.' Kira was moody and stoic, Suki was a total sweetheart, and Zena was a hugger. Strange for a cat, I know.  
Soon, I had devoloped a bond with the three and I had learned that the three had the same expirience as me. The catwoman was there, too. They had all been in the same general area as me, Suki and Zena had been watching an anime called 'Death Note' at Suki's house, which happened to be close to the Hotel I had been staying at. Kira was walking by the hotel, on her way home from work. They all saw the woman, and she repeated the same thing as she had told me. The others could talk, too.

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

One day, Sasori and I were trying to find a solution to the problem, when Suki, Zena and Kira came in, being held by Kisame.

"Hiya, Sakana." Suki said, pouncing on Sasori. "Hey, Danna~" She was the favorite of Deidara and Sasori, and therefore was the closest of the kittens to them. He let her sit on his shoulder as he read a book. I looked at Kira and Zena.

"What is it? You know something." I said, looking at Zena.

She sighed, "Yeah.. I had a.. dream of sorts.. It was the woman.. She told me, 'A true loves kiss shall break the curse of four.' I thought it was important."

I thought over the words for a moment. "True love's kiss. Aw, hell. This is some Disney bullshit." Kira nodded once and Suki sqeualed, as she loves Disney movies.

"It's quite ridiculous." Kira's voice was melodic and light, as she barely spoke.

I agreed with her, and Zena shrugged, but Suki rubbed her face against Sasori's. "I think it's really romantic."

We rolled our eyes at her, then I thought of something. "Does this.. does this mean we have to kiss everyone.. until we change back..?"

Sasori nodded solemnly, slightly creeped out at the idea oof kissing a cat.

I sighed, then looked at him. "Then let's start."

He quickly kissed each of us on thie lips, at we looked at eachother before Zena 'poofed' and was replaced by a pretty, but naked, brown haired girl. She quickly wrapped herself up in an extra blanket laying on a chair."Awwhh~" Suki cooed. "Sasori and Zena are true loves!"

I laughed slightly at Zena's blush and Sasori's grimace. "Oh, come now, Sasori. Are you disgusted by Zena, or is it something else?"

"And love, true love.." Kira mused, quoting 'The Princess Bride." I giggled, and swatted at Kira, who dodged. "Kisame's turn, then."

"Well, I think that if any of us do turn, then we should each be wrapped up so we won't be naked." Suki said, having a very rare good idea.

Kisame nodded and threw blankets at each of us. He then proceeded to kiss each of us, starting with me. I stared at him, as a purplish blush crept onto his face after kissing Kira. Suki accepted Kisame's kiss and after a moment, she poofed.

"Kisa and Suki sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" I sang softly. "So, now I suppose we venture out to the base and kiss everyone until we find out 'true loves?'"

"Yeah, pretty much." Kisame said, helping Suki find a peep hole in the blanket. "Thanks Kisa. It's not right if everyone sees me naked~."

Sasori picked me up and Kisame grabbed Kira. As we walked through the halls, we stumbled upon hidan, who was, unsurprisingly lost. "Hey, fuckers. Wait, who're the bitches?"

"Jeez, you dumbass. We cracked the code. It's a kiss from a true love."

"Somebody better get channing Tatum up in here for me." I said, causing Suki and Zena to grin. I mean, gahd. Channing Tatum was DAMN sexy.

Kira rolled her eyes, then looked at Hidan. "Well, then, Kiss them." Sasori commanded.

He pecked Kira and she did nothing. He turned to me. "Get the fuck over here, bitch." He demanded.

Something inside of me snapped. It reminded me of him.

"No.. Please.. no kisses..." I mumbled, jumping out of Sasori's arms. I ran away from them, and outside.

I sat in a patch of grass, and heard someone come up behind me. "What's the matter, Sakana?"

"I don't want anymore kisses.. I just.. Don't..." I tried to explain to Hidan what it was that was bothering me.. I just couldn't.

"I.. had a bad expirience in the past and I just.. had a flashback.." I felt tears in my eyes.

"Hey, hey. Calm down, okay?"

I nodded. "We don't have to kiss, okay? I doubt it would've even worked, anyways." I smiled, then allowed him to pick me up. He held me to his chest and carried me back inside and toward Kakuzu's room. Kakuzu was kissing Kira.

She stared at him. "I have the feeling that I'm going to have to kiss everyone until It works."

I sighed. "Me too."

"Sakana. Come." I jumped out of Hidan's arms and landed next to Kakuzu. He leaned down and kissed me and-

Nothing happened. "How unsurprising."

We waved good bye to Kakuzu and left, met Tobi in the hall, and were kissed by Tobi, it didn't work, so we went to Itachi, and he kissed us both softly, but it didn't work.

We went to Zetsu, where each of his sides kissed her, and both kissed her at the same time, we waited a few seconds, and Kira poofed.

I sighed. Nobody. I had only not kissed Deidara and Hidan.

Deidara was in his room, creating a clay figurine. "Brat, come kiss Sakana." Deidara looked up at us strangely, as Sasori held me out to the blonde. Hidan looked strangely miffed. I shook it off and Deidara kissed me.

I looked at him for a moment and turned to Hidan. "Didn't work." He looked relieved, for some strange reason.

"That means..." Hidan started, I looked at the wall for a moment.

"Hidan..." Kira concluded.

I looked at him, with a small blush, not that he could see it, but he had one of his own. "I guess this mean that we're true loves." He picked me up, wrapping me in a blanket, and kisses me.

I felt the tingling again and I heard a 'pop' and I stood up, a stretched. "Did it... Not work?" I asked, at the bewildered staresI was receiving.

"You.. Have ears and a tail." Kira pointed out. She had black hair and onyx eyes, but pale white skin. Zena had brown hair and green eyes, and Suki had short blonde hair, with big blue eyes.

"What?" I had a blanket wrapped around me, but I could feel it brushing where my tail would be sticking up, if I were still a cat.

Hidan led me to a mirror. My hair was the same as before the change, but there were two cat ears sticking up from my head.

The ears matched the color of my hair- blood red and black at the tips. My haor is originally white- from a chemical spill when I was a baby- and my eyes were light, light grey, almost white.

I had a red tail poking up from under the blanket.

"You're a neko!" Suki squealed.

I sighed, then turned to Hidan. "I guess this means I have Nine lives, right?"

He smiled, then turned away, a blush on his face. "We should report to Leader-sama." He led me to his room, first. "Sakana. Here. Put some clothes on." I thanked him, and slipped a pair of black ninja pants on, with a red t-shirt that read, 'All hail Jashin, bitchesss!' in black.

He nodded and turned around. I could hear the embarassment in his voice as he spoke. "You.. You look really pretty."

He was being extremly reserved for being Hidan. I stuck my hands in the front pockets of the pants and followed him to Leader's office. "Th-thanks Hidan. You're not bad looking yourself."

He laughed. "No, I'm fucking sexy."

And at that, we entered the office.


	2. Concussion? What concussion?

**Just to clarify things: Zena, Kira and Suki have been there a month longer than Sakana. She's been there for about three weeks, So there's already a bond between everyone.. Itachi uses the kitties for stress relief, Hidan is a big softie (aka OOCness) so is Kisa, and Pein. Kakuzu is indifferent, as is Sasori, and Deidara and Tobi are big idiots. Zetsu is just his normal creepy self and Konan is a girl ._. I honestly wasn't paying attention to their characters, so they seem Mary-sue-ish... I'll be fixing that here, but Hidan is still a big softie for Sak. The others, not so much, Just her.. But their relationship isn't that good, YET... Any who. Here's chapter two. Shout outs to the first reviewers...  
Leahcar-Soutaichou**

AkatsukiObsessed

animegeek123

I love creepy things

and kraziness-kills

Thanks so much you guys!

* * *

Pein started at the four of us blankly. "Sakana, Zena, Suki, and Kira." He stated, nodded at each of us. "You all broke the curse?"

"Yes, but with one minor altercation..." Sasori spoke up, glancing at me.

"It seems I'm a neko.." I told him, ear and tail flattening against my body.

"..And wearing Hidan's clothes." Konan added.

"It's complicated." I muttered, glancing at Hidan and then looked down. "Really complicated."

"Had to kiss our true loves." Kisame explained quickly.

"Ah. And the others' true loves are...?" Pein asked, looking at the three girls wrapped in blankets.

"Kisame and Suki, Zetsu and Kira, and Sasori and Zena." Suki, Kisame, and Zena blushed.

"Well, we can't really choose who our true loves are, now can we?" Kira asked sharply.

I shrugged. But I guess the curse is broken, and now you have four mated couples, one neko, and three naked chicks. What are we to do now?"

"Return tomorrow morning. I'll have everything sorted out."

* * *

"Hai." We returned to the living room, and I noticed that Hidan was staring at me hungrily.

"What?" I felt my face, but it was smooth. He looked away quickly, then stood up and stalked away. I frowned. "What.."

The others shrugged and I moved to lay in the sun. "Hey, Kisame...?" Suki asked, looking up at him, with a small smile on her face.

"Yes?" came his gruff reply.

"Do you have food?" I looked up at him with big eyes.

"I have some tu-"

"Can I eat you? You're a fish... Cats like fish." I smiled and purred slightly.

"What the..? No!"

I giggled. "Come on! It'll be fun. Kisa!"

Suki leaned her head on his shoulder. "I'll eat you up, up, up up, up!"

"She's a maneater~" Zena added on, looking at Kira and urging the brooding girl to continue the game.

"Can we stop?" She grumbled, her arms crossed on her chest.

I blinked. "Good job, Kira. You totally continued the game."

I received a glare. "Shut up, Sakana. You're just annoying... I mean, you can't really do anything about it..."

"Excuse me? I did nothing to you!" What was her problem?

"Actually, I was perfectly content with being a cat, then you came in and changed us all! Then, you get the special attention from everyone.. You aren't our leader, you know!"

"I never said that I was-" I started to protest.

"-But everyone just assumes so! Do you think that maybe, just maybe, somebody wants the spotlight for a moment? Or are you too concerned with yourself?"

"You're mad at me because you were changed back to a human? Real nice to know that being a human fucking sucks this much! And as for the leader business, I apologize for being a dominant person! If you want I'll just stop talking completely! Hell, I'll even leave! Is that what you want?" I offered, putting a hand on my hip.

"Maybe that's exactly what I want!"

"Alright, if Queen Kira wishes it, then I'm out. Maybe I can get back to Japan... Find home.. Get these damn ears and tail gone! Who knows?" I spoke to myself, opening the door, and walking away into the forest.

* * *

I had been walking for twenty minutes, and I had started to hear, "Sakana! Here kitty kitty!" and "Sak! Where'd you go?"

Well, I'm obviously not there.. What the fuck do you expect! You didn't start looking for me until three minutes ago!

"You know, running away isn't your best option.. We're ninjas, we'd eventually find you." I heard a rough, deep voice say from behind me.

Kisame stood there with Suki on his back.

"Don't care." I said, turning back around and continuing walking.

"Sakana, you really should stop walking." A new voice said, and I ignored it.

"Stop walking.. Please."

More pleads of "Please! Stop!" came, but I wasn't going to stop.. I mean.. Why should I? Hidan doesn't even love me, and Kira hates my guts.. I can only imagine what everybody else thought of me.

I continued up the steep hill and finally reached the top. "Ha, I made it!" I adjusted my footing and I tumbled forward.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

* * *

Beep.

Beep.

Beeeeeeeeeeep.

Everything was black, and I felt numb. What was this?

Beep, beep beeeeeeeeep.

"We're losing her! Sakana? Look at me, stay with me, un."

Who's Sakana? Oh, wow. My body.. My head.. It hurt terribly.

A blonde person caught my attention. "Hmm?"

"Sakana, I need you to focus on me, hmm?"

"Who.." It hurt to talk. "Who's Sakana?"

"You're kidding me, right? Sakana Redd. That's you."

"Really?" I asked, but it sounded like "reery?"

"Sakana, I need you to tell me the last thing you remember.."

I tried really hard. Everything was just.. gone. I had no memories. It was like I was born just now.

"It's... Black."

I heard a gasp. "Sasori-danna...hmm?"

"I know." I just noticed the red-head looming above me.

"Can I sleep now?"

"Tell me how many fingers I'm holding up."

"Uh.. Four?"

"Good, do you know what this is?"

"It's a cup. I'm not mentally retarded."

"Okay, you can sleep."

* * *

I closed my eyes and fell into a familiar dream.

How did I know this dream? How was it familiar? Had I seen it before?

_There was a girl with White hair and light, light grey eyes. She was struggling against a teenaged boy. He kept kissing her, urging her to give into him. "Come on, baby."_

_She kept repeating, "No, stop it, I don't want this! Stop!"_

_He slapped her, then. I felt it._

_"Sakana, shut the hell up and relax. It'll only be fast."_

_Then, I was the girl. Our bodies merged.. She was me, and I was her._

_His hands were all over me, now. I felt an unfamiliar name come to my lips. "Please, stop, Hiroko! Please!"_

_He slapped me again. "Didn't I say to shut up?"_

_I flinched and whimpered as his hands slid into my shorts._

_"Sakana... You're so pretty... To bad I'll have to hurt your pretty face after this."_

_I closed my eyes and tried to push him away as he forced me into... it._

_"Stop it, Hiroko! I trusted you! Why do you do this to me?"_

_He grinned evilly as he finished, then pulled a switchblade from his pants pocket. "Sakana, Sakana.. Poor Sakana." H__e sat on top of me and dug the blade into my face,_ _carving an ugly, jagged line from my left temple to the left side of my lip._

_I screamed, as blood filled my left eye. He chuckled. "You'll be okay..."_

_I yanked myself away from him, clutching at my eye. "You... bastard."_

* * *

I awoke, screaming in pain.

"Sak. You're okay, un."

There was this strange man, holding me. He was hugging me and.. I shivered.

"Let go! I don't know you! Let go of me!" I struggled, thrashing against him. "I don't want this!"

He stared at me. "Sakana, what happened? Who hurt you, hmm?" His voice was frantic.

I blinked away tears. "Let go, I said!" I pushed him away. "I don't even know who you are!"

He looked at me. "Sakana, you're just joking around with me, right... Right, hmm?"

"How do you even know my name?"

The man- he had blonde hair, making him look girly. Beside that, he was cute. His large blue eye widened. "Still the amnesia.."

What the HELL was he talking about? "Um.. Can you tell me you name so I don't call you 'blondie' because that would be really rude, and I don't think it's like me to be rude! It's just mean! Oh, I'm rambling.. I should really shut up now, but I feel like talking because you're looking at me like I'm mentally retarded!"

"Deidara, though you are mean.." He lifted the bangs covering his left eye. Three long scratches rand down his cheek. "This was the first day we met, and I forgot to give you food.."

I blinked. An image of a small white kitten scratching angily at the first thing she saw- the tall blonde holding and cuddling her- flashed through my mind.

"Deidara, what time is it?" I yawned.

He glanced down at his wrist."11:05 A.M. Time to get up, eh?"

I nodded, and he picked me up, causing me to jump a little. "Thanks, Deidara." He nodded, and traced the scar on the left side of my face. I shivered, and he stopped.

I looked at his only visible eye, which was full of worry. "Do you... Wanna talk about it, hmm?"

I grimaced. "I don't remember much.. Except there was a girl.. She was being raped, and the rapist.. Her boyfriend.. He took a knife and gave her a scar.. Do you know the worst part? I was that girl? I felt everything.." I said, shaking with sobs.

Deidara's hold on me tightened, and soon, I was sobbing into the front of his shirt.

"Shh, Sakana, it'll be alright.. It's okay.. He's not here to hurt you anymore.." I felt movement, and looked up. Deidara was carrying me out of the room. "It's okay, I'm taking you to Sasori-danna." I shook slightly, then nodded. Whoever Sasori was, he would probably be nice.. Deidara was so nice, and I just met him! Deidara struggled to open the doors, and I told him to put me down, which he did, blushing slightly. "I could have gotten it."

I smiled. "I know." I followed him into the room, only to see- "H-Hiro-kun.." I gasped, the turn and ran.

Nowhere was familiar.. Where was I? I left the building I was in, how did Deidara know him.. It sickened me.. Turning to the closest bush, I emptied my stomach's contents onto it. I heard a commotion around me, and started running again. I didn't know where to go, what to do.. I felt betrayed by Deidara.. Was he pretending to be nice to mejust to convince me to go back to Hiroko? After what he did to me? It's bad enough that I still have to look at myself and remember why I am this way!

I continued to run, until the ground underneath me was gone, and I was gasping, grasping for a handhold.. Wait.. I have a tail! I just remembered that! That means.. I'm a neko.. and cats always land on their feet right? I was about to let go of the small grip I had on the edge of the cliff I was on when a strong hand pulled me up. "Sakana! Not again!"

I knew that voice.. The name was just on the tip of my tongue... H.. "Hidan! Help me!" He struggled for a moment. "Please! Help! Hidan, get me back on land.." I begged, pleading with not only my voice, but my eyes. His grip was slipping... "Hidan!"

He chuckled, and pulled me up. "You know, I like it when you beg me.."

I playfully smacked him. "Thank you, Hidan..." I whiuspered, pressing my face into his chest and let out a few sobs. I curled my tail around his leg and then stopped. "Wait, why am I even crying?"

He looked gobsmacked. "What? I don't know! God-" I chuckled and covered his mouth with my hand.

"Shh... You're cuter when you don't talk."

He looked angry for a moment, then blushed. "Bitch, I'm always cute..."

"Hm, Here I am seeming to think, as you said yourself, you're 'goddamn sexy.'"

* * *

Hours later, Hidan and I sat next to each other and I smiled sheepishly up at Deidara, who had been staring at me sorrowfully. "Sakana, why did you freak out earlier, hmm?"

"U-Uh.. Sasori looked like the guy..." Deidara's eye widened. "I'm sorry... I don't really like romance that much..."

"..Because of what happened, right?" Hidan asked, softly, tracing my scar. I nodded, then looked at Deidara.. "I truly am sorry.. for running.. It's one of the things I hate.."

Deidara nodded. "It's no sweat. You felt threatened, so you ran. It's natural for cats to do so, un."

My cheeks were probably red, and I opened my mouth to apologize again, when Deidara leaned down and kissed my forehead. I stopped and stared questioningly at him. "What..?"

"Sakana, if anyone tried to hurt you like that, I mean ANYONE," he lifted an eye to glare a Hidan, " I will neuter them."

I blanked. "Jeez, protective, much?" Deidara shrugged, then turned around. "Hey, Deidara?"

He looked at me, "If you apologize one more time.." He signaled and explosion and I shooke my head.

"Thanks."

* * *

A few hours later...

* * *

"WHO ATE MY PIE?" I yelled, looking everywhere for the darn pie I literally just sat down. Hidna smiled at me innocently. "Oh HELL no." I growled, knowing EXACTLY where my pie was now. "You did NOT touch MY pie!"

"It was just a damn pie!"

"It was MY pie!" I yelled, glaring at the man who was my supposed 'true love.'

He shrugged. "Oh yeah, not a big deal, I just wolfed down a die in literally one second!" I mocked, making my voice deeper and gruffer.

"Hey, bitch! I don't sound like that." He yawned.

"Hidan, you have three seconds to make me a new pie, or you won't have any eyes."

Again with the nonchalance! I held up three fingers, and put one down for each second that passed, and when no fingers were held up, well.. I feel sick just telling you...

**(No P.O.V)**

The tall neko pounced on the Jashinist and his screams were heard all throughout the base. "DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH MY PIE AGAIN, YOU HEAR ME, HIDAN?"

"WHAT BITCH? I CAN'T HEAR YOU, YOU RIPPED MY EARS OFF!"

"YOU WANT ME TO RIP YTOUR LIPS OF NEXT?"

"WHAT? I SERIOUSLY CAN'T HEAR YOU!"

'Really? That's kinda funny.." She burst into laughter, pointing a finger at the man, who was angry.

"Why are you laughing? Sakana!"

In the door way, an angry redhead cleared his throat. "O-Oh, Hello, Leader-sama!"

"I was busy uh.. sleeping.. when you two's yells woke me up!" He growled. "Care to explain?"

"Oh.. Yeah. Hidan can't hear you, but I'm _absolutely surre_ that _all_ you were doing was_ sleeping_.." Sakana purred, taping Hidan's ears back on. "Besides, Hidan just ate my pie... I dealt with it, Leader-san."

Leader's face burned red, matching his hair, then he turned away, muttring. "Remember to clea up your mess when you're through expressing your love to the whole Akatsuki."

Sakana gagged. "Me? Love? Hidan? Yeah right! But anyways, I think Konan is waiting for you.. She seems a bit impatient.."

"H-How would you even know?" Pein sputtered.

Sakana pointed behind him, snickering as Konan drug Leader away by his ear.


	3. What's wrong with Sakana?

**Oh Jashin, 10 reviews.**

**(No reason to freak, buuuut, this is the most reviews that I've ever had for one story :O)**

**Anyway, I'm working on a crack-fic that's basically a series of one-shots. Look forward to updates, mmk? Anddd if you enjoy high-school AUs, check out KHSGirl22's Mattaku Hidoi Mono: Absolute Hell if you haven't read it yet- it's amazing!**

**In other news, it's less than 4 months until my sixteenth birthday, so I'll freak about that until September 12th.. And have you guys read the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series? The second movie is coming out in August, so I can't wait to see it!**

**Okay, just read so I can stop ranting!**

**Hidan: Damn, bitch! How much to you talk?**

**Sakana: Hidan, be respectful! *holds rope threateningly* Say your sorry- and while you're at it, do the disclaimer.**

**Hidan: *gulps* S-sorry, Mistress-sa-**

**Sakana: -Sama.**

**Hidan: Mistress-sama.. The writer of this story wants me to let you asswipes-**

**Sakana& Mistress: HIDAN! Be nicer to the reveiwers!**

**Hidan: *glares* She only owns Sakana, Kira, Zena and Suki. And the plot, damn! You happy?**

**Sak: You forgot the fact that one day she will enslave all of the measly humans and will then be referred to only as "Supreme Ruler of Awesomeness-sama"**

* * *

My ears twitched, causing a shiver to roll down my spine. I glanced up at them through the mirror, and a sigh escaped my lips. I raised my tail and sighed again. My roots were showing... That meant that soon, everyone would know that black wasn't my natural hair colour! I would have to re-dye them.

It had been two months since Hidan ate my special pie... MY pie. Oh, was he mad when he realized the ingredients- and could talk! Yeah, it took about a week for him to be able to talk.. After his throat was healed, I received no love- or kitty treats, for that matter- until I apologized! Why did I have to apologize for him eating my special super spicy chicken pot pie surprise? He's the on that ate it! But nooo. Leader was mad at me for making fun of him being pussy whipped. Konan sympathized and secretly slipped me the chicken I had been hoping for! That just proves that Konan is the best- well, only- blue haired woman I know and love.

Anyways, I'm still a little confused as to how Hidan at all my pie that fast? Wait, no duh. Hidan is immortal (and very immoral) and that's probably why he's so fast! I wonder what else he's fast at..? Oh dear lord, Sakana, GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER! No perverted thoughts!

Tearing myself away from my fascinating mind, I looked at my tail hairs closer. Yeah, they were going white. Total re-dye. I continues looking at my self until I heard frantic knocking at the door. "Jeesh! Can you calm your tits for a minute?" The knocking ceased for about two seconds, then started again. For about the tenth time in the past fifteen minutes, I sighed. Opening the door a crack, I blinked at a scared looking Deidara. "Dude, I'm naked! Besides, if you and Sasori are having issues, you're gonna have to settle it by yourselves!"

"It's not Sasori, hmm! And if you're naked, put a towel or something on, un!" He said, glancing behind him. "Oh, god, he's coming!" I slipped on the first thing my fingers came in contact with- a fluffy white robe. I hastily wrapped it around my body and tied it. I re-opened the door and peered around my favourite artist. Hidan was standing at the top of the staircase, a malicious aura surrounding him. I stared at him for a moment until I heard a soft 'click.'

Damn, Deidara had stolen the bathroom and locked me out. I felt stomping and turned- only to come face to seething face with Hidan. "Hidan, pray tell, who pissed in your cheerios?"

Hidan snorted, almost spewing his nose juice on my face.

"That blonde faggot stole my rosary."

"No I didn't, un." Dei's voice sounded from the other side of the door.

I sighed, and placed a hand in the pocket of the robe. I felt something cool against my fingers and pulled it out. "Hidan, you dumbass, Deidara didn't touch your rosary. It's right here."

Cue sweat-drop from me, and nervous chuckling from Hidan. "Heh, so I guess I left it in there.." He trailed off, eyes fixed on my hand. "..Hey, bitch, doesn't that hurt?"

"Nah, is it supposed to?"

"Man, that's fucking weird. Any mortal that lays a fucking finger on it is shocked all to fuckin' hell."

I glanced at my hand. "Maybe it's cause I'm a NEKO, dumb ass." I said, then turned and jiggled the doorknob. "Dei, Hidan isn't mad anymore! Open up!"

Hidan snorted, the kicked the door open. The window was open, and there was no sign of Deidara. I chuckled. "He ran. Ha, now get out." I started pushing Hidan out of the bathroom.

"But I want to shower with you."

I glared. "I'm counting to three. One-" Hidan was gone. Smiling, I closed the door and untied the towel, after shutting and locking the window and closing the curtains. Turning the shower on, I took one last glance at the tail attached to my body. God, this feeling of having an extra limb is so weird.. It's like, having a third leg growing out of your lower back.

I stepped into the steamy water and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in. I was putting soap on my loofa when the shower curtain was flung violently open. I squeaked and covered myself with the sponge and my free hand and prepared to scream (maybe I left the window unlocked on accident and a crazy criminal slipped in?) when I noticed that it was only Hidan. Which was essentially the same."Hidan, I said no. Get out before I get Mr. Hammer." Hidan winced slightly, before smirking.

"I'm sorry, I can't fucking hear you over all of this shower noise... I think I'll just get in here."

I groaned in frustration, but left him alone. Blood rushed to my cheeks and I tried to stay away from the pervert but it was hard (ha, that's what she said..) when he kept getting closer to me, thinking that I didn't notice, every time I inched away.

Pouring shampoo into my hand, I lathered my hair and let it rinse out in the shower. As I was reaching for the conditioner, I felt his lips on my neck. I slammed my elbow back out of instinct and got Hidan in the stomach.

"Go to hell." I spat, then got out of the shower.

I wrapped a towel around myself and stepped out of the stream of hot water. Hidan turned the shower off and opened the curtain. "What's your problem?"

Angrily, I turned to the incredibly sexy man. "What's my problem? Nothing, Hidan. I'm perfect. Well, I _was _until a pervert broke into the bathroom while I'm in the shower and starts getting fresh with my goods!"

"What's wrong with me wanting to have sex with you? You're hot."

"Dear Jashin, who would want to have sex with YOU? You're disgusting, rude, and you have no manners, not to mention morals!"

We argued. We always did. That's why nothing has happened between us.

"You're supposed to be my true love. And damn, bitch. It doesn't seem like you want to."

"Maybe I don't! Maybe I want to go back to America and live like a normal person instead of a neko!" I snapped, flinging open the door and storming past Kira, who watched as I stomped by.

"Somebody's on their period~" She sang, causing me to stop in my doorway.

"I'll have you know, bitch, cats don't get periods. Do some research." I spat, then slammed my door shut.

After dressing myself in a red flannel button up and tight black shorts, with a black V-neck underneath the button up, I laid on my bed, a stared at the ceiling for a while. I had never acted like this before... _What is wrong with me?_

* * *

Third Person POV:

Zena, Suki, Kisame and Itachi sat in the living room, watching the television- a strange soap opera was playing and the main female character seemed to always get into trouble.. if it wasn't a car crash, it was tripping over a stool and hitting her head on the table, causing a concussion and amnesia.

Kisame finally got tired of the never-ending drama and tried to steal the remote control from Suki, sadly, he failed, and Suki ended up sitting on his lap.

After about five minutes, Hidan stomped into the room. "Hey, what crawled up your ass and died?" Zena giggled, standing up and going into the kitchen.

Suki giggled. "Yeah, Hidan, spill. Is it Sakana? You know, that kitty has _claws._" Kisame snorted, absently trailing his fingers over a scar on his arm.

Hidan chuckled. "Yeah, little bitch. Sakana is being more of a cunt."

Zena came back into the living room, holding a chocolate milkshake. "Have you tried de-clawing her?"

Hidan shuddered, imagining the sheer terror that was his 'girlfriend.'

"Maybe she needs to get laid." Kisame suggested.

Hidan snorted. "That's what I thought, until she almost killed me. Did somebody lace her fucking food or some shit?"

Zena laughed, then decided to change the topic. "Talking about Sakana makes me want to go hug her, so you guys, follow me."

Kisame looked up at the brunette. "What are you doing?"

"An experiment. Follow if you wish. Suki, the other milkshake is on the counter." Suki jumped up and darted into the kitchen, and returned with a vanilla milkshake. The two girls walked out to the front lawn and waited.

Hidan, Kisame, Itachi, and Tobi followed. Zetsu and Deidara were walking into the building, so they tagged along, just to see what was going on. Zena and Suki stopped in the middle of the lawn and Zena pulled a CD Player from her pocket to Narnia. She pressed 'play' and music started playing. It was extremely loud and Zena and Suki were singing along. The two of them danced and sang,

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!"

* * *

Upstairs, Sakana heard the music, and smiled evilly. Nobody was inside except for her, so she snuck downstairs to begin her prank.

* * *

**OH NOES! WHAT DOES THE EVIL SAKANA HAVE IN MIND? FIND OUT NEXT TIME, MMK?**

**Review!**


	4. Chapter Thirteen: The Prank, and Alcohol

**Aha, this one. Ah. the prank. Whoo. **

**Also, I spammed my sister with dirty pick-up lines. "Are you a chicken farmer? Cos you make my cock rise."**

**and "As long as my face is around, you always have somewhere to sit." She nearly died, There were liek, fifty. XD Just read it.**

**Chapter Thirteen: Alcohol isn't Good For Cats...**

You lot are just dying to know what I did, aren't you?

Well, looking back on that horrid day [it truly was horrible- what with Hidan "getting fresh with my goods" and.. other things that happened that day] I can't help but shudder as tell you this!

* * *

I creeped down the staircase, and opened up the closet underneath. I scanned the supplies until my eye found the item I was looking for.

A bucket.

I quickly grabbed it and took it to the kitchen before smiling devilishly and began preparing my prank.

* * *

**Aaaaand- CUT! This is all you get! I'm going to try and prolong the prank. But, here's a semi-funny stroy that happened to me a few weeks back.**

**You'll have to get to the prank next time because this is more important.**

**So I was talking to my 9 year old step-cousin the other day when i made a comment about just finishing my freshman year when he said:**

**"Wait! You're in highschool? How old are you anyways?"**

**I replied with: "I'll be sixteen in September. Not that it matters to you- what are you, eight?"**

**"No."**

**"Sev-"**

**"No."**

**"Si-"**

**"Niine?"**

**"Yes."**

**"Well, nine upside down is six."**

**"Well how old are you, 51?"**

**"No. 2L. Fifteen upside down looks like a backwards 2 and an L. Therefore: I am TWENTY L."**

**"You're retarded."**

**~Fin~**

**Okay, okay. stop glaring at your screen, plotting my death in your head! YOU CAN HAVE THE GODDAMN PRANK!**

* * *

I held the bucket with my tail and casually strolled into the kitchen. Opening the freezer, I grabbed a bag **(Lmfao when I orginally wrote this on paper, I wrote gab. Gahd, I suck.) **of Ice- "Ice is food, too!"- and dumped it into the bucket, then I picked the metal container up and held it underneath the sink.

As it filled, elevator music played in my head and I tapped my fingers on the rim of the bucket in time to it. After it was filled, I manuevered the bucket up the stairs and smiled sinisterly upon seeing the idiots outside being...well, idiots.

I can still remember the loud and peircing screams of ex-cats as the icewater hit their skin. "SAKANA!" Zena's angered yell couldn't have been more hilariously satisfying. I smiled down at the seething girl, who darted towards the house. I heard their angry footfalls in the hallway downstairs, and with a last minute plan in my head, I locked my bedroom door. I grabbed my [Hidan's] favorite leather jacket and my combat boots, and ran at my open window.

I must admit that I honestly didn't know what to expect- I had never thrwon myself out of a window before. My reflexes kicked in and my body twisted around. I landed on all fours in front of an astounded Itachi. "See ya, Itachy, 'Same." I shouted over my shoulder as I hopped the fence and took of toward town.

After a few minutes of just running towards Ame, I heard, "WHERE THE HELL DID SAKANA GO?" Suki's incredible volume was easy to hear from about three miles away.

"Tch. Sakana Redd always gets away."

* * *

Needless to say, my interesting appearance caused me to receive strange glances. "YES, YES. I HAVE A TAIL, PROBLEM?" I shouted at a little kids who had made the mistake of tugging on his mother's hand and pointing in my direction. After my outburst, the kid started crying and the mother glared at me.

"Hey, bitch. Teach your kid some manners, why don't you?"

I knew that my victims/persuers were steadily approaching the village, so I silently thanked Itachi for drilling some Ninjutsu into my brain. I created four clones and sent them in each direction, then found a bar [ick, who names a bar after Zetsu's favorite snack? 'The Raw Head?'] and settled down after ordering a large bottle of Sake. Business was obviously almost non-exsistent, save for a few regulars who chatted and ate lunch. I took a swig frm my bottle and dug through the many pockets of my [again, Hidan's] jacket before hitting the jackpot. Stashed away in one of the inside pockets was a thick wad of paper bills.

"Oh, fuck yes." I breathed out, before tipping the bottle to my lips again. I knew that Sake goes down easier when it was sipped, but I needed to get drunk as fast as I could.

"You've hit the Jackpot haven't you?" A smooth voice sounded to my right.

"Mm, Yeah." I said, absently thumbing through the cash. This must be Hidan's savings.

"Hidan? The Akatsukian?" Huh, I must have said that out loud.

"I'm afraid so. I'm uh, Sakana."

"Takishi." He guided my hands to his lips and I looked into his bright green eyes. "Allow me to get you a drink."

"I'm okay, thanks though." I said, waving the bottle of Sake at him. He chuckled and waved the bartender over.

"I'll have a beer." He said, then tuened to me. "Just order something- my treat."

I sighed, realizing that this guy wouldn't give up. "Double shot of Vodka."

The bartender- Aoba, as his tag said- poured our drinks and I thanked Takishi, then down the burning drink.

"Do you have the time?" I asked, swigging the Sake.

"My watch says that it's time for me and you to ditch this joint." Takishi said, grabbing my wrist.

"Nah, I'm good, dude." I said as he tugged on my arm. "I said I was good!" I yanked my [possibly] bruised arm away and kicked the guy in the nuts. He crumpled to the floor and I reached into his pocket, before taking his wallet and thumbing through it. I shoved it into a pocket and smiled down at him. "Thanks for the cash. Ta-ta."

Was it wrong for me to repeat that whole scene three more times in different bars, drunker each time? Finally, I decided to head back home, so I ordered four large bottles of Sake and stumbled my way back home.

* * *

So, I was officially shit-faced. The amount of alcohol that I had put into my system was large- at least I wasn't driving.. Not that this worl had cars... But they do have horse-drawn carriages and carts. If you're steering one of those things while drunk, could you get arrested for DUI? How does the citizen government here work anyways? Can they do citizen's arrest?

Shaking myself out of my drunken thoughts, I realized that I was approaching the Akatsuki tower.

"Hey, I think I live year... I mean, here."

Opening the door, I was greeted by a handful of indifferent men in black coats.

"'Sup? I's gots booze." I hiccuped. Hidan chuckled, and plucked a bottle from my arms.

"So that's where you were."

"Mhmm. KUZU, I GOTS YOU A PRESENT!" I shouted, turning away from Hidan. I stumbled over to him.

"Sakana, if it's another dead mouse, give it to Zetsu."

I plopped onto his lap and stuck my hand in my pockets. "Pick a side."

"Give me a legitmate reason as to why I shouldn't shove you my threads down your throat-"

"Shh." I pressed a finget to his lips, then put that hand back into the pocket. "Pick. A. Side."

"Left." He said, as I pulled out the four wallets and shoved them into his mouth.

"What do you want for these?" He asked suspiciously.

"Alls you has to do is- hic- down all three of these." I told him, giving him the Sake.

"Deal."

* * *

**Alright, I cut this one short. I got tire dof typing and it was easy for me to cut it here. Big surprise next chapter. Uhh, yeah... Have a great summer, and all. Don't forget to check out the poll for The One and Only God, leave a reveiw, and uhmm, as always, fair winds.**

**~Mistress**


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